Lately, I have been thinking about what the concept of friends are to me. I know that they are individuals that make life more bearable, they remind you how amazing you really are, they give you space to rant, and overall individuals that support you at all times.
I have a few friends that I have met in different parts of my life, some from high school, university, work. The setting in where I met them does not matter, it’s more about the mentalities in which I met them at. I was a very different person from who I was in high school to who I was in university; I am constantly changing. Most of my really good friends are from high school and not all of them evolved with me. I can think of three people who I can say have been involved in my evolution in university and really saw me grow from my high school naiveté to now. For that, I cherish them heavily. Seeing the growth of someone you care about it is so refreshing. As people, making mistakes is part of life. But it is especially rampant in our late teens and early twenties. To be supported and to give support to people who have been there for you is a truly wonderful feeling. With these people, there is no uncertainty in the relationship. You know they support you, understand you and accept you for who you are.
I was with one of these friends one day, and I look at life as if it’s a poetry book. This person just coos at me and I feel their love and acceptance of who I truly am. It is a refreshing feeling to feel.
On the other hand, the uncertain friends. The ones who cannot even bother to reach out and ask how you’ve been, and yet will claim that they ‘love’ you when it has been years of not catching up. These friends we’re distant during my evolution, and never once asked about how I am, how to mend the friendship or question the change in dynamics. These friends became the friends that lived in the past. The ones I held on to because of I was reminded of the good memories we shared, four years ago. I truly believe that these people do not want to get to know who I am now, just based on the effort shown. I’m starting to believe that the saying ‘friends that pick up where you left off’ is an excuse to not put an effort in the relationship. The individual remains complacent. And the sad thing, it’s usually one person that attempts to change the dynamic.
This makes me realize that these uncertain people in my life, I have outgrown them. We have serve our purpose in life for each other, and cannot add more value to each other at this point in time. Even with my supportive friends, at one point it fizzled out and eventually we reached out a couple of years later with a newfound perspective to better our friendships.
It’s a bittersweet reality that I need to accept. As we grow up, we change drastically. And the people you once wanted to be around your life for so long, are now gone. You realize how valuable energy is and to exchange it with people who I am uncertain about is not good enough.
Creating boundaries have never been normalized until recently within non-romantic relationships. Even with yourself there are some boundaries (more like discipline) that you know not to cross to better yourself. And create boundaries in friends is difficult, especially when it is full of good memories and requires to be objective about the true nature of the relationship.
